You shall **** me because I can make you!
by Death101a
Summary: I accidently stumbled into too many Mary-Sue's today. This is the result. Warning: yaoi, immaturity, and mindless swearing ahead. 'tis a parody


I do not own GundamWing, or any other anime series. Shocking, isn't it?  
  
  
This was written in a fit of rage after accidently going into 4 self-insertion fics in a row, without even realising it. Usually there's a hint like ('Soandso mets a strange beautiful girl', 'Soandso has a new girlfriend, and someoneelse is upset', 'A new gundam pilot has showed up', '[Auther's Name Here] fucks the G-boys').... err.. well, usually they aren't as blunt as that last one (but they probably should be, because that's all that ever happens), but still. 4 damn fics, all four nothing but ego trips. If you want to imagaine these things, fine, have fun, and do what you like. Just don't inflict them upon the world, because -we don't care-. This is a poorly done pardy of these poorly done fics*  
  
Warning: Mindless Swearing, Yaoi (I think I only did basically 3+4 in this one), Extreme Immaturity ect. ect. Ahead.  
  
* I've yet to see one written well, but I usually stop reading when I figure out what's going on... and I have seen good authors succumb and write one of these fics, so just because they have one of these doesn't necessarily mean they've nothing worth reading. It just strongly suggests that.  
  
  
++++++++++  
  
  
  
YOU SHALL FUCK ME BECAUSE I CAN MAKE YOU!  
By Shinigamis"I will be physically ill when I see another self-insertion fic"Angel  
  
  
  
  
The g-boiz were all sitting at their seats in their home-room class in the high school. Nevermind that there is no reason for them to do this. Just close your eyes and chant with me.  
  
"All is right with this fantasyworld"  
"All is good"  
"All is right with this fantasyworld"  
"All is good"  
  
Have you all been tricked into excepting all my nonsense now? No? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, NO!?!? *thunder and whip crack nosie in the background, and the so-far-nameless author grows 30x as big* *other audience members, up 'til now invisible, shake in their seats (that they are strapped to) until one says timidly "We believe you". Authoress shrinks to normal size and grins* That's better! Anyway, as I was saying... *she clears her throat, and the audience disappears, story setting reappears*  
  
The teacher comes in with a new student right behind her.   
"Attention class, please welcome our new student, Mary-Sue"  
  
All the gundam pilots looked at the girl, and found themselves overwhelmed by her beauty for no logical reason. Then they all realized they were having erections, and again there seemed to be no reason for it. It was lust at first sight.  
  
"Take a seat next to Trowa Barton over there.", the teacher pointed Trowa out. Trowa, wanting to be sick, some part of him realizing what was happening, suddenly had a feeling of euphora envelop him. The nasuea was suddenly gone, and his heart soared when he heard the new girl would sit next to him, Quatre completely forgotten.  
  
"Trowa, please raise your hand" and just as the teacher was saying it, his hand shot up in the air, without him even thinking about it. This, of course, did not worry Trowa at all. He heard Duo say softly behind him "Look like more than just your hand is raised." Duo, even though he was sitting behind Trowa and couldn't see even if he tried to look, knew about Trowa's boner. And again, no one wondered about how these things were happening.  
  
"Shut up, you're just jealous" Trowa whispered at Duo harshly. Duo suddenly realized that he -was- jealous.  
  
The girl came to the empty desk and sat down, pretending to be oblivious to the pilots drooling over her. But really she was realishing every second.  
  
  
  
***Later at Lunch***   
  
  
  
  
"Hey, Mary-Sue, do ya wanna eat with us?" Heero said cheerfully. Everyone, except the author, turned to stare at him. No one could believe how blatantly OOC he had just acted. With an uncharateristic sob, Heero ran from the group. Duo sighed,  
  
"I'd better go after him before he can find something to kill himself with.", and with that, Duo ran after Heero, leaving Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei with the 'ravishing' author.  
  
Time suddenly stops and the only one moving is the author.  
  
"We don't really need all this annoying "plot", do we? Let's just get to the fucking!"  
  
  
  
***Later at... umm... 'The Fucking'***  
  
Luckly for everyone, the author did not feel like having more than one gundam pilot screw her at a time. So, Trowa and her were alone in a bedroom. Where this bedroom is isn't important. It could be a room hidden inside Disneyland's Space Moutain. Or maybe inside a Starbucks. The only things that are important... er.. thing that is important, is that here is a bed. Hell, we could do without that , too.... anyway...   
  
"Did you mean what you said to me at the park*?" Mary-Sue said, teary eyed (*this occured during a part of the "plot" that was cut out)  
  
"Of crouse, Mary-sue, of course." Trowa's whole universe now revolved around this girl. He could think of nothing else. Quite literally, or else he would have realized this was all very, very wrong.  
  
"Hell, screw this!" Mary-Sue shouted. She was sick of the 'courtship'. She waved her hands and used her powers as the Almighty.  
  
"Oh, Mary, Please fuck me!!!" Trowa suddenly cried.  
  
"Well, I dunno..." Mary drawled out, grinning devilishly, totally getting off on her power.  
  
"Please!" Trowa begged.  
  
"Alright then"  
  
  
[[Insert scene where the authoress displays that she barely knows what sex is, much less knows how to write about it, here. While reading one of these things, one wonders if this person ever passed Sex Ed. One wonders if this person is 10. Anyway, this shit continues for about 5 paragraphs. Be grateful that I've decided to spare you from the horror.]]  
  
  
"Wow" is all the Authoress manages to say afterward. Suddenly, a door busts open, and Quatre is standing there with something in his hand (no, not that, you sickos!). The screams of the people on Space Moutain coming from behind Quatre drown out what he has to say when he sees Mary-Sue and Trowa... in an awkward position. And it is probably best that way.  
  
"You're not supposed to be here!" cries Mary-Sue, who would have prefered to have Wufei in a threesome... but since Quatre was here, Quatre would do, and the authoress prepared to force her will on poor, defenseless Quatre. Well, at least she thinks Quatre is defenceless. When she tries, a blue force field flickers to life around Quatre, and fades as she stops. "What the hell?!"  
  
Quatre grins, "I'm under ShinigamisAngel's protection. The whole blue force field thing is cuz she's a fan of special effects, no matter how cheesy. She also gave me this!", he says as he holds up what's in his hand. It's travel-sized lube. "Trowa, remember what this is?"  
  
Trowa blinks, and then the funky background that appeared behind him when he used the Zero system and started to get back his memories appears behind him. Then he remembers everything and throws up all over the author, grabs Quatre and the lube, and storms out.  
  
  
  
***Back at the school***  
  
  
It was lunch, and all the guys were sitting at their table, wondering why the fic hadn't ended yet. Mary-Sue comes up to them.  
  
"Hah! My power's can't all be gone if you're still here!" She then tried to bend someone ... anyone... to her will. They all just sit there and watch and then ShinigamisAngel just appears.  
  
"You! You're just as bad as me, you're in this fic, too!"  
  
ShinigamisAngel shrugs, and smiles "No, you see, I don't try to subjugate the g-boys to fullful my sexual fantasies... *mumbles*infanfiction*stops mumbling*. And since this fic isn't to be taken seriously, I didn't think I'd do it any harm by showing up. I'm only here to take away Trowa's memories of... the incident. Poor boy hardly needs that trauma on top of all the others.". She tocuhes Trowa's forehead and makes him glow for a sec. Then she adds with a little evil grin on her face, "And to watch you die."  
  
Heero pulls out his gun and aims it at Mary-Sue's head. "This is for making me cry."  
  
  
++++++++++The End++++++++++  
  
ShinigamisAngel:Ah, the mindlessness is over.  
  
*Mary-Sue appears*  
  
Mary-Sue: That's what you think!!! I'm out there... somewhere... in a fan-fic that seems harmless... and I could come and bite you in the ass at any time! You can't be the supreme power in every fic! *throws back her head* Mwahahahahaha! *poofs*  
  
SD Duo: *tugs on ShinigamisAngel's pants, and looks up at her, eyes wide* Is dat true?  
  
ShinigamisAngel:*sighs and pick the lil-Duo up in her arms* Yes Duo, I'm sorry to say this, but, there really are monsters in the world. But don't get upset. If they come for you, you just find a good author to write you something nice. If all else fails, you can come to me. Kay?  
  
SD Duo:*grins* Kay! *hops down and runs of to find SD Heero*  
  
  
  
Well, hope that wasn't too painful for you all, and if you enjoyed it, that's great :) I just hadda vent some rage. I still can't believe it. 4 slef-insertions in a row *sigh* Anyway, please be so kind as to review...  
  
  
-ShinigamisAngel  
shinigamisangel@yahoo.com  
  
P.S.-At the suggestion of a revier, and by the support of more, I wrote a sequel titled 'You can call me Mistress', just incase you're interesting in more Mary-Sue parody :) 


End file.
